Jokes News

One day a man was talking to his aunt and tells her she needs a job so she goes out and looks for one the next day.

She calls up her nephew and tells him the news. He asks, “Where did you find a job at?”

She replies, “At a sperm bank.”

He says to his aunt, “Well what do you do there?”

She says, “I greet and say goodbye to the men.”

He says, “Well what do you say when they enter?”

She says, “Hello, please wait over here.”

He continues, “What do you say when they leave?”

She replies with honesty, “Thanks for cumming.”

Q: How elephants climbs trees?

A: They stand over the seed and wait till the tree grows.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th Grade Class about the evils of liquor, so he developed an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, Class, observe these worms closely,” said the professor, putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm was put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully for a few seconds and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“What lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey, and you won’t get worms.”

“Mum, can I ask you something?”

“Sure! What about?”

“Well, you see, I’m already fourteen, and I think it’s proper that I should own one now.”

“And what is this ‘one’ you’re referring to?”

“Could you buy me a neat set of bras?”

“No.”

“But, Mum, my nipples are already prominent, and they catch attention.”

“Nope.”

“It will hide them better….”

“I said NO!”

“But all of my friends wear….!”

“DAVID! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?”

Three men go into a whorehouse that charges customers $10 per inch of their manhood. When all three are finished they meet in the back alley behind the house of ill-repute to discuss how much it had cost them.

The first man said, “I paid $60.”

The second man boasted, “I paid $150.”

They both turned to the third man, who said “I paid $10 — I paid on the way out.

An old woman goes into a biker bar. She demands to talk to the leader. A tough-looking bearded biker stands up. “I wanna join your gang!” she says.

The biker thinks for a second. “Do you have any tatoos?” he asks.

“Sure,” as she bares her arm.

“Hmmm, do you have a leather jacket?”

“Out on my hog,” she says.

“Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

“No, but I’ve been swung around the room by my tits!”

a fat bloke walks into McDonalds and orders a Bigmac. The person behind the counter replies “Would you like McDonalds with that”.

Q. What do elephants use for tampons?

A. Sheep.