Consumer Labels
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Loading ...Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer:
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(Good suggestion.)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(duuuhhhhh)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box:)
Warning: Do not turn upside down.
(Too late. You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Warning: Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let’s experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Warning: Do not iron clothes on body.
(Whose body?)
On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:
Warning: Do not drive car or operate heavy machinery while taking this product.
(Boy, we could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we could just keep those 5 year olds off the fork lifts!)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(One would hope.)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(…or pets! What’s for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(okay, so now I’m curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child’s Superman costume:
Warning: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh sure, that’s right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Tags: spencer bread pudding, tiramisu dessert, dial soap, childhood belief, cough medicine
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