Once, while visiting her doctor, a lady whispered to him, “Kiss me, Doctor!”

He said, “I cannot, it would be immoral.”

Five minutes later she again whispered in a husky voice, “Please kiss me, Doctor!”

He said, “I can’t. I have taken an oath.”

Ten minutes later she screamed, “Please kiss me, Doctor!”

He said “For the last time, no. It would not be right. Truth be known, I probably shouldn’t be fucking you right now either!”

Two babies were in a hospital laying next to each other. The first kid leaned over and asked, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid said,” I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid said, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a piece of cake!”

The second kid then asked, “What are you in here for?”

The first kid responded, “Well, I’m here for a circumcision.”

The second kid said, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.

When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.

Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”

Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.

Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President.”

You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

Q: How are women like frying pans?

A: You have to get both of them hot before you put the meat in!

One day there was a nun walking down the street when a man wearing only a robe jumped out at her from an alley, and flashed her. Surprised, the nun said, “Oh my gosh, I have never seen that before! May I feel it?”

Being a man who likes a cheap thrill, he said, “Ok.” So she was feeling one of his nuts then she asked if she could feel his other nut. Totally turned on by what she was doing, the man excitedly agreed, and the nun started to feel her way around. Now the man was so excited, he thought he was going to explode. Just before he reached orgasm, the nun clapped her hands together really hard, smashing his nuts between her hands. As the man’s eyes widened with pain, the nun whispered sternly, “Don’t you EVER do that again!”