Michael, a pre-med student, preferred partying to studying and was not totally prepared for his mid-term exams.

He stared at the last question worth 50%:

NAME FOUR ADVANTAGES OF BREAST FEEDING

1. No need to buy formula.

2. Cats can’t steal it.

3. Available on demand.

He was running out of time and need another advantage. Suddenly it hit him.

4. Comes in attractive containers.

Two newfs who worked together were both laid off, so they
went to the unemployment office. The first was asked his
occupation.

“Diesel fitter” he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled job, the clerk gave him $600.00 a week.

Asked his occupation, the second said, “Panty stitcher.
I sew the elastic onto cotton panties.”

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labour, she gave him $300.00 a week.

When the second found what the first guy was getting he
became furious. He stormed back in to find out why his
friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers was unskilled and
diesel fitters was skilled labour.

“What skill!” yelled the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic
on. He pulls on it and says,”Yep, diesel fitter!”

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, “Thank Heavens, I’ve made it in time! Have you a turkey?” The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 12 pounds.

“Ah, haven’t you anything bigger?” the woman inquires.

The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 14 pounds.

“Marvelous!” says the woman. “I’ll take both of them, please.”

A newlywed, a middle-aged and an elderly couple are interested in joining a new church. When they meet with their potential Pastor, he tells them that in order to join the church they would have to remain chaste for the next two weeks.

Two weeks later, the three couples return to meet with the Pastor. He asks the elderly couple, “Did you remain chaste over the two weeks?” The husband replies, “Well, we really didn’t have too much of a problem. Uh, at our age we don’t expect to do too much of that anyway.” The Pastor then welcomes them into the church.

He then looks at the middle-aged couple and asks them,”Did you remain chaste over the two weeks?” The husband replies, “Well, it was difficult, and we did have a couple of occasions where we were strongly tempted, but we held out.” The Pastor then welcomes them into the church.

He then looks at the newlywed couple and asks them, “Did you remain chaste over the two weeks?” The husband replies, “Well, we tried very hard, but the other day my wife reached up to grab a can of corn off of a shelf and it fell on the floor. When I saw her bend down to pick it up, I was so overcome with passion that I took her right then and there.” The Pastor says, “Well, you understand this means you won’t be able to join our church.”

The husband replies, “Don’t worry about it, we’ve been banned from Safeway, too.”

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.

Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, “Pinkie” as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death.

An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny’s batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming…..