Young Benjamin’s grandmother had given him two sweaters for his birthday. He had arranged to visit his grandmother that weekend and was agonizing over which of the two sweaters to wear.

After what seemed like hours of deliberation, he chose one. On the appointed day, he put it on and went to visit his grandmother.

She greeted him at the door, took one look at the sweater, and said, “So you didn’t like the other one?”

The following was seen on a bumper sticker.

“You can grow your own dope. Plant a man“

An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.

The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy, and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. “Is that right?” he asked the boy.

“Oh, yes,” the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot, and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the trainer.

Finally, the trainer could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.

The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn’t believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.

The Irishman stumbled back and, with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried, “BeGabbers! He’s right . . . Farty-two!!”

An Avon lady gets on to an elevator after going door to door in a high-rise apartment complex. After going back down three floors, she rips the loudest most foul-smelling fart anyone’s ever done figuring no one would get on with her.

The elevator stops at the next floor. Thinking fast she pulls out a bottle of a pine-scented fragrance and sprays it all over the elevator as much as she can before the door opens.

A man got on the elevator and pressed his floor number. As the doors closed he sniffed and asked, “What is that smell?”

The Avon lady then asked, “Oh, do you like it?”

His reply was “Like it? It smells like someone shit a tree in here!”

One day Fred ran in to his old friend, John, and asked him why he never called anymore…

John explained that he had lost his job and didn’t have much money, so he had to buy a defective phone. He got a great deal, but the only problem was that it didn’t have a 5 button on it.

Fred said, “Wow, that’s really weird! I’ve never heard of a phone like that. So how long have you had it?”

John replied, “Well, I’m not quite sure ’cause my calendar has no 7’s!!”