What’s the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.

Man to God: “God, why did you make women so beautiful?”

God to Man: “So you would love her.”

Man to God: “But why did you make her so dumb?”

God to Man: “So that she would love you.”

British essayist, novelist, critic and poet, G. K. Chesterton was an imposing figure in height and weight. His vast bulk afforded him certain consolations. He once remarked that it gave him an opportunity for gallantry. “Just the other day in the Underground I enjoyed the pleasure of offering my seat to three ladies.”

There was a young man named Sweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
He thought this uncouth,
So he added vermouth,
And he slipped his girl a martini.

Dr. Beesley was walking down the hospital corridor when suddenly his patient, Mr. Jones, came running by with panic on his face and his hands cupping his genitals. Hot on his heels was Nurse Chumley carrying a still-steaming tea kettle.

Catching the nurse by the arm, the doctor yelled, “Hold it nurse, you misunderstood! I said prick his boil.”