Jokes News

There’s a new drug out for men that promises to grow hair..only problem is that it does have an unfortunate side effect…reduced libido..

So let’s see..Men take this drug to make themselves more attractive to chicks…

They are faced with the age old problem..grow hair and be LIMPY..or remain bald and never be SHRIMPY…

It boils down to a simple
fact..Gentlemen…It’s HEADS or TAILS !!

Your mamma’s lips are sooooooooo fat that chapstick had to invent an aerosol

Q:When does a cub scout become a boy scout?

A:When he eats a brownie.

10. It’s legal to play hockey professionally.
9. The puck is always hard.
8. The protective equipment is reusable and you don’t even have to wash it.
7. It lasts a full hour.
6. You know you’re finished when the horn goes off.
5. Your parents cheer when you score.
4. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
3. Periods last only 20 minutes.
2. You can count on it at least twice a week.
1. You can tell all of your friends about it afterward.

There was this guy named Joe Shitz. He lived his whole life with this peculiar name, and he finally decided to have it legally changed.

He told his friend “I was tired of everyone making fun of my name. I decided to finally do something about it.”

His friend asked “So what did you change your name to?”

He replied “I changed it to Melvin Shitz. I was tired of everone saying “What d’ya know, Joe.”

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while.

“You understand it now?” Mommy asks.

“Yes,” replies her daughter.

“Do you still have any questions?”

“Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?”

“In exactly the same way as with babies.”

“Wow!” the girl exclaims. “My daddy can do ANYTHING!”

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex.

“What that?” he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, “Oh, Me use hole in tree trunk”.

Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly”.

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. “Here,” she said, “You must put it in here”.

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, “What the hell did you do that for?”

“Me check for bees” said Tarzan.

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes.

The salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here you’re at least a size 11.”

The guy says, “Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe.” The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain.

He says to the salesman, “I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is fucking my best friend, my daughter is pregnant, and my son is gay. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these fucking shoes.”

Why do women lay on top of the man when they have sex?

Because women like to watch men when they don’t know what they’re doing!

Q: Did you hear Hillary changed her name?

A: She changed it to Sharron Peters.