Jokes News

Football….

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says “seven points.”

His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”

The old man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 7 to nothing. “A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie, score.” After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown I’m ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can’t fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”

The old man replies, “Half-time, switch sides.”

A woman walks into a porn shop and asks the salesman, “How much for the white dildo?”

“$40,” replied the man behind the counter.

“And for the black one?”

“Same price, only $40 for you.”

“OK I’ll take the black one.I’ve never had a black one before.” She pays and leaves.

A little bit later a black woman walks in and asks, “How much for the black dildo?”

“$40,” replied the guy.

“And for the white one?”

“The same, luv,” the guy tells her with a smile on his face.

“Hmmmm…… I’ll take the white one then, never had a white one before.” She pays and leaves the shop.

About an hour later a blonde woman walks in and asks, “How much are your dildos?”

“$40 and we have black or white,” the guy tells her.

“Hmmmmm…….. and how much is that plaid one on the shelf?” she asks.

“Well that’s a very special dildo………. it will cost you $175.”

She thinks for a moment……..
“I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had a plaid one before….” She pays him and off she goes.

Finally the guy’s boss returns and asks, “How did you do while I was gone?”

“Well,” replied the salesman, “I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $175.”

Why don’t male rabbits make noise when they have sex?

They have cotton balls.

We will FIGHT for peace!

Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer rather badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape…

A man from Arkansas and a man from New York bought a business together in Little Rock. The guy from Arkansas had an apartment across the street from the store, but the guy from NY lived out of town.

The fellows had bought a new flashing neon sign, which they turned off each night at midnight when they closed their business, in order to save money.

One morning around 1 a.m., the NY fellow called his partner from Arkansas and asked him to look out the window and check to be sure that he’d remembered to turn off the sign before leaving the store. The Arkansas fellow looked out the window and said, “Yeah, I did, no, I didn’t, yeah, I did, no, I didn’t….”